Jan 3, 2023

This is the first day at work- I tried to sleep late the previous night so as to move briskly into my graveyard routine. It did ot work well and I awoke multiple times and was up from 8 am onwards. At around 1 pm I got an email asking me to submit my passport for Canada Visa stamping. Relieved, I set out to walk to the Rajah Travel offices in Makati so I could personally drop it off. It was a 20 minute walk towards  downtown Makati along the now familiar Makati Avenue. I had to wait there for the correct person to finish her lunch break- which was another 20 mins or so. Upon my return to my place, I went out and did swim 50 laps- the new target for 2023. I ventured off to work although I soon realized that most people in our teams would be working from home this week- a bonus to ease into the workplace after the holiday season. I still wanted to go to work because it would help with keeping awake- ( lots of free coffee  and a work environment) would enable this. As expected, when I reached office there were only 2 people on the entire floor- both from my team. I did some email and worked on some admin issues. Had a catch up with the team virtually- our huddle! I spoke about the highlights of my break and asked folks to share theirs. Did not speak much about work save something about challenging markups of a relief calve order to Craig International. I had a lot of expectations this year from the team. I had to get my mind around what I was looking for. I needed some me time to work all that through- which I had a lot of- but the intent was wishy washy still- felt downward momentum on and off still - because of the appointment of Edwin’s replacement in Qatar, because of the family’s return to Dubai and my return to solitary living, and most significantly because of the nagging discomfort of my upper molar- which was long overdue for a pull-out. I just didnt feel like losing yet anothet tooth- Now I’d have two missing molars which would need to be replaced woth implants. I did bot want to get into all of that while still in a temporary assignment. Once I move and settle somewhere for good then I would embark on another dental disruption- not before if  could help it. But then would I ever settle doen somewhere for good? As long as P was gainfully employed in dubai it seemed unlikely- unless I found a role that would keep me in Dubai long term which seemed like distant dream. And I almost did not want another job even if the location would be amenable. I felt little energy or excitement considering such a job - it somehow felt like a chore. I really wanted to do something that didn't feel like a chore. 
I decided to return early from the office- was freezing in there. All the while walking back in the wee hours of the morning, I was again speaking to myself- a resignation speech rehearsal- what I would say when I resigned! Except it does not feel like I ever will. At 4 am, I rolled the remaining dough in the fridge into 3 really thick rotis. Made also an omelette and had a frugal meal along with a left over bowl of masoor dal chenchki. And turned in…


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