January 15th, 2024

 It was my 23 rd Marraige Anniversary today. I never like to be fussy about it but when I reflect on how my married life has turned out, I cannot but help look at things with some relief. Some of my peers have had rocky marriages, divorces, situations where their kids have suffered from depression on account of the separation. Also, I often wonder how much mindspace is extended to dealing with separation and during this period how does one otherwise stay productive- particularly at work? Knowing me, I know I would have made a meal of this. I cannot get things done in my normal daily routine- even without having to deal with something as monumental as separation with a partner. For example, aside of being somehwat pereoccupied with work- and I say somehwhat because I have good days and bad days. At work currently or indeed in the past, I have days where I see some higher purpose and others when I feel I jsut need the pay check. Increasingly I also have days when I think I dont need the paycheque.  Then I take a look at my younger child who is all of 9 years old. Taking care of him and seeing him through college was a large expense with a very long horizon- 10 years or more. If I threw in the towel now, I am not sure I would sleep easily not knowing what lies in store for him. In addition, a lot of people have suggested to me that retiring is only good if you have something better to do with your time. For me, as far as I can see, I will only be interested in perfroming music, maybe composing a bit, reading and cooking. I have no desire to do anything more impactful. Like be a part of a non-profit social enterprise or found a start-up doing some work related thing I always wanted to do. I guess I am just not built that way. I am attracted by the money only in so far as it gives me the freedom to do the things I like.  This is not a situation where one can be expected to go long on some phantom pot of gold that comes at the end of some sisyphean personal ordeal. I know many of my friends are indeed built that way- not to mention that the current zietgeist is more or less geared only to this personality type. If you dont belong here, you simply dont belong. All of this makes for a strange kind of isolation, and this is also something I have been experiencing under the surface for years. I dont talk about it but I know it and frankly so does any one close to me with any perceptive ability. 

In any case, I feel I am fortunate in that my marriage is strong. It is one aspect I dont worry a lot about. It was not always like this, especially in the early years. But as time passes, you have more facets that become significant and therefore it is much more of a balanced scorecard that one is contending with. It is also well documented that kids do a lot better if they know they have a stable family. According to a psychologist I follow, this is because  one of the points of a marriage is to maintain an average parent that is clinically sane. In other words each parent has areas of insanity but they average out when they are a diad. Individually, this would not be the case and therefore the kids would have to deal with a lot more volatility with any one parent. This ofcourse assumes that each person has traits distributed normally. I am not so sure this is the case- but I can take the argument at face value.  Also, I have to admit that my elder son is really sensitive to anything resembling a potential separation. I know this because we had once had a serious fight ( me and the wife) and he was in the other room overhearing bits of the conversation. He started howling frantically- and we had to end our spat and attend to him , calm him down and convince him that we were not separating.  He was 10 or 11 when this happened so it wasnt like he was an infant. So I had enough indication on how things woudl unfold with him if we ever separated-at least until he was old enough to live on his own.

Another point to feel festive on my anniversary was the fact that I just had not been home that much in recent years. I think in the last 5 years I may have been around once or twice on the day of my anniversary. In 2023 I was in Manila. In 2022 in Singapore. In 2021 I was home because of Covid. In 2020 I was in Basra, Iraq. In 2019, I was also in Basra, Iraq. This time I was home.

We celebrated by having two dinners. One as a family to an authentic mainland chinese restaurant in JLT called "homey chinese". This was on the day before the anniversary. Here we over-ordered like crazy and maybe ended up packing 60% of the food. But it was quite memorable- my younger son wanted to order a Roast Pigeon- which came with the head intact ( atleast that's what is showed in the Menu Card). It would be gross for me and I had reason to believe that pigeon is not all what is cracked up to be. Eventually I was able to steer him towards the infinitely more prosaic szechuan chicken wings.

The second dinner was on the day of the anniversary at a Michelin 1 star somewhere on the Palm. The setting was very peaceful, the food was expensive, and if truth be told, slightly above average. But this was the norm in Dubai. It was filled with glitzy places that served average food. These places catered to rich people wiht no tastebuds- in Dubai the population of this segment was ever growing.  If you were into the quality of the food, you would do better going downmarket somewhere in Old Dubai. Having said that, the experience was nice- we finished a bottle of prosecco between us while overlooking the water of the Persian Gulf.  The weather was just right, because usually an outdoor seat by the sea in the evening in January is slightly chilly and windy- but not this time. It was cool and comfortable