January 20th, 2024

 I received some good feedback from Kartik on my rendition of " Take On Me"- so I duly uploaded the video first to my youtube channel and then shared the link on Facebook. I have been doing this for a a few years now and everytime I do it, I look for appreciation. That dopamine addiction takes over. However, in recent times, hardly anyone reacts to these within my facebook friend circle. Initially it used to bother me, and I thought to myself what is the point of posting. But then I realised that people post on facebook also for themselves, It is like a digital diary. It is an argument made by my wife, which to me if truth be told is a weak one. I can always upload into my channel without sharing the link on FB. There are a multitude of reasons for the lack of "likes". It could be that they did not, in fact, like it. It could be that they liked it too much and were jealous. It could be that most of them had moved on to Instagram and didnt spend much time on FB. And there could be more reasons, but I'd like to think that the migration to Instagram is probably the chief offender. As they say, hope is the last thing to die. 

I also realise that before I share anything, I tend to ask other people if I should. Usually it is my sife or Pankaj. This time it was Kartik. I wonder why I do this. It is probably not a complex reason. It has simply to do with a deep fear of seeming average. This is unfortunately the same reason I shy way from so much. Each time I think I cannot play at the same level, I dont hang around to try and compete. I simply dont show up. I know this somewhere deep inside. And hence, I am still going to post these on Facebook. The next step would be to post them on Instagram. That is a step fraught with so much lethargy, that I wonder if I will ever make it. Yet another platform to idiot browse 12 hours a week? And unless people think you are somewhat of a star, the principle of reciprocation will abound. In other words, you have to like the posts of other people for them to like yours. It is all political, very little if any is absolute. It can seem irksome, but on the positive side, you know through your posts how you have come through over the years and if you have improved. That is already very valuable. One has to undersatnd deeply why one is doing this. If it is to become popular then indeed this endeavour needs a lot more work. Maybe even some pedagogical foundation on Digital Marketing. Yet if it is to push oneself to be more adept musically and improve one's skills at live performance, then it is a good end in itself. Nothing great will probably come from it that you can measure in dollars and cents. But on the positive side, first of all nothing bad can come from it. Then it does require some sort of self-discipline, daily regimen and so on. This is required as we all well know to get good enough at anything to actually matter to the external world. So even if you dont end up mattering, atleast you are on the path to mattering. What could be a better purpose but to be firmly planted on a path to achieving significance. And one never knows who you touch with music and how. If anything, I will double up on recording and posting this year. Just like I decided to write a thousand words this year, I would like to push myself to upload on youtube, one song a week. I wont post everyone on social networking platforms but atleast privately post them on my channel. This will force me to learn many songs well enough to make a recording. Otherwise, there is only a casual dalliance which does not make for a rock solid and repeatable live performance on demand. This is one of my goals. When I can just show up with a guitar and perform without any hesitation for 30 minutes on the trot. If I can do this well, I can then try to expect people to want me to do this in this forum or that. 

I have many more agendas beyond recording solo acoustic performances of other people's songs. I need to have a signature style. One is that I try to perform the interludes and solos as well as the song. This can be done by humming the melody which is one thing. But for memorable interludes, I have another idea. I will write the words to match the melody line and sing these lyrics over the solo melody. This will not only be something fresh conceptually, it will force me to learn the nuances of every phrasing of a melody and will serve as a mnemonic device to remember the piece of instrumental music. And finally, after all of this, there is also the matter of trying to perform one's own compositions. I have a slew of those but they are mostly keyboard based pieces. I'd have to adapt them to guitar. And then who knows- maybe some of my songs will touch a chord somewhere. Atleast I'd have died trying! Not to mention, I had a very different idea of the time I'd have on my hand to pursue these vocational activities. I have two boys who are growing into the years where a lot of effort has to be extended to their development and preparation for a world beyond that I have no real understanding of. That can be as much of a joba s you make it. There are parents who do nothing but obsess over their kids- pushing them to over -achieve academically and in sports, to partake in all the customary artifice that is now par for the course when it comes to college admissions. Such is the world we live in, and with all the vedic wisdom flowing out of our ears, we cannot wish it away. Hence some sort of short to medium term goal setting on the personal front is also much warranted.