January 4, 2024

 

A thursday which started off normally enough, but I began to experience fever and dizziness, aside of the throat irritation that has been plaguing me for 2 weeks now. I ended up returning earlier from work- yes it was that bad. When one is ill, like I am, one covets for nothing more than to be healthy and fit. I have missed my excercise routine for several weeks now following travel to India and now again this illness. It is nothing short of morbidly frustrating, I am deeply disturbed by it. Somehow the flu strains are all different now, and the reaction I get is far worse than what I used to get. And these things last so much longer- they just never end. And I start wondering- is this just a new variant of the flu. Or is it a reaction to the Pfizer vaccine which has potentially wreaked havoc on the immune system. One will never know. At the time, was it an option not to take the vaccine, not really. There is so little that we control and so little that we can predict that it seems to me not the right strategy to obsess about it. And everything is dependent on the condition of one's mind at any given point. As mentioned, when ill, all I want to be in control of is my health. We not ill, I want to be in control of my career, my diet, my excercise, my hairline, my vocal chords, my guitar and piano playing..the list is simply endless. I spent most of the evening laying on my bed- unable to sleep because of the fever. I vaguely remember some British show on netflix that was running on the TV in the bedroom. I drifted in and out- drank water and some orange juice. I popped some Panadol but it did not seem to do much for me. Brufen was more effective- which eventually I reached out for in the wee hours of the morning following which I was able to get a few hours of shut eye. Ever since I had been diagnosed a pre-diabetic, I had yet another excuse to think that things were not as they used to be when I got ill. And over the last few weeks I had no excercise, which means that my blood sugar was bound to have spiked. Just 10 years ago, I never ever spent so much time internally discussing my health. Ever since hitting 40, it has been one thing or another. I am still here, that is the good thing. But I am not the same person health-wise-that much is certain. I had the additional burden of controlling my blood sugar- which I absolutely hated to do. I could never get to prick myself every day to do the sugar test. Rather, I told myself, I will try to do whatever it takes to keep things under control. Frankly, this is all I can do- so measuring my sugar level incessantly does nothing but add aggravation. An in terms of action- it is essentially cutting down on sugar and carbs and exercising. The playbook is simple but following it is soul-crushingly hard.

Enough about my health. Let's talk of other things. The one bright spot in this otherwise depressing Thursday was India's series levelling Test win in Cape Town against the Proteas. Our bowling held up well in the second test- although our batting still remains overrated. Too many newcomers who cannot handle the rising delivery- same old story. I was surprised by the omission of both Pujara and Rahane in favour of the likes of Shreyas Iyer or Yashasvi Jaiswal. These are good limited overs players but it was embarrassing to see them unravel under real cricketing conditions. In fact, to this date, I regard Virender Sehwag as the best Test batsman India has produced. He only knew one way to play- didn't need to change gears and still managed to get tons of runs in all formats- but particularly in Test cricket which has seemingly been a bastion of technique and concentration- playing slow and steady. Viru had none of this- but still got runs. Someone should study him in far more detail I feel. There are clues to be gleaned. If I were to venture a guess though, as to the reasons for his success, I would say it was because of maintaining a beautifully empty mind. A mind devoid of analysis, intellectual masturbation, bearing grudges, being in any way cognizant of the particular opposition. This is a meditative state and for normal people, especially those that consider themselves intelligent, this is not a state that is remotely easy to achieve. Because one is always thinking. Always. The question is, does this type of analytical mind do more harm than good? It is now fairly evident that one needs this type of mind to compete in the world but equally, it leads to all kinds of stress and anecdotally I would say it is not helpful in achieving happiness. On the other hand, dealing with someone illogical and without intelligence is not conducive to happiness either. The blissfully ignorant person is much happier. But not the person who has to deal with this blissfully ignorant person. But if one’s aim is to seek happiness, we have all heard the cliché that money is not likely to lead there. It is far worse than that. I think a thinking, inquisitive and analytical disposition is not likely to lead there either. And here we are, training our kinds 24/7 to possess exactly these skills. To prepare them for their place in a competitive world. Alas, where is their training for happiness. The debate between Happiness and Creature Comforts is likely going to be the enduring debate of our times- and a shift towards emphasizing the former is likely to gradually take precedence. It is however not likely to change the current world order- where the only currency worth having continues to be currency.