February 1, 2024

 Last week, days before what seemed to be an unravelling of the second coming of our brilliant goa reunion of schoolmates in 2017, I put this lesson into action- and I must say it paid off spectacularly.

It all began in mid 2017 when a few of us that had been somewhat close at school and were in the vicinity of India wanted to organise a reunion in Goa. That was anything but unique- loads of people organise reunions in Goa- it is one of the emerging cliches of the better-heeled Indians from Generation X and Y.  It was a closed invitation to 20-odd people of which 13 accepted. I think it was  doha- based Nishith and mumbai- based Roopa who led the charge with the organising. We were 5 or 6 in dubai from our graduating class- quite a significant number-of which 4 of us agreed to make the trip in the end. There was a party of 3 from mumbai, 1 from bangalore, 2 from Gurgaon, 1 from Pune, 1 from Manila ( though he was a roving lunatic- passed through timezones like underwear) and bringing up the Middle East vanguard was Nish from Doha and the fantastic four from Dubai. 13 was my lucky number so that was all good. I knew everyone in the group except for Madhukar from Mumbai so that was all right as well. Most of the folks I was not much in touch with although I did meet some in a school reunion in Jamshedpur in 2011. Prior to the reunions there had been some rumblings around the guest list- especially when it was revealed that many did not make the cut. The people who had not made it to the 20 were mostly not close to the selected 20- but there were obviously individuals within the invitees who were close to some others in their personal capacity- either because they lived in the same city or shared some other connective tissue. Equally, 7 of the 20 likely did not accept for a spectrum of reasons ranging from being keen but financially or otherwise constrained to being positively apathetic- not deeming this meeting as worth their time.

Either way, it was unknown territory for the 13 of us. As we later admitted, most of us were skeptical about how this would all turn out. It is a self selecting group but would we be pleased to re-aquaint or aquaint ourselves ? Would we feel good in each other’s company? Would we leave the venue with a spring in our step having absorbed positivity from each other- especially since this was almost like a reality show for 2 or 3 days- and if there is any reality in reality shows, and that is one big if,  it suggests that there are always problems that arise fairly quickly.

However, what happened was not something any of us would have anticipated. We started drinking and one-by-one letting loose. Each reaction then elicited further openness until it was an orgy of good -hearted, honest improvisations that blossomed out for 3 days like an anar or tubri ( a pyramid-shaped indian firecracker that is a Diwali mainstay) on steroids. You could call it drunken revelry but that would be a characterisation that would be  unsophisticated at best and false at worst. Interspersed within these improvisations were banter, innuendo, double -entendres, wordplay, natural sketch comedy all underpinned by unbridled laughter.  Each of us had a good time but more importantly, discovered the vestiges of a genuine relationship that would benefit the spirit- which seems all too elusive even for the least cynical amongst us.  The conditions for this to happen were met because of several happy accidents- but for me the most important of these was the one wherein the 13 of us largely happened not take ourselves too seriously.  But given the favourable conditions,  why things played out as they did is relatively inexplicable or rather is difficult to do without losing oneself (and everyone else) in a painful vortex of verbosity.  The thumbnail word that is often used to describe such a phenomenon is “Chemistry”- in this context if I were to use an analogy from optics, a series of micro-constructive interferences- each generating the next and spreading rapidly to create a blanket of warm fluffy feelings- like trust, love and goodwill.

We have been continuing these reunions each year, except we I did not attend during the Covid years- and also when I was in Manila. We had one in 2023 with close to full attendance after a number of years. At the end of this one, however, and in the aftermath, I found myself beginning to lose interest. On the one hand, it was fun to be around these guys but I didn't really connect with them. That is, you might say, a foregone conclusion- I don't connect with most people but pretend to. What are some of the fault-line that seem to be forming? 

For one, there is a subliminall showing off theme that is lurking somewhere. The girls seem impressed with money. The boys who cannot impress with money , try to impress with their libido and the fact that they are getting lots of action. Maybe others like are always trying to impress with my performance musically. Some of them are constantly running marathons to establish how cool and driven they are. All in all, the original reason why Iw as drawn into this group was because I felt we did not need to impress. But these days I think we somehow do. Maybe it is all in my head. I am know to bring several theories to this group each time we meet- and we have hearty discussion on my off-beat musings- but this timeI may have a theory that makes vulnerable the very existence of the forum which has provided so much air and water to my earlier theories.

I don't blame anyone. I am to blame- because I find myself also trying to impress. And I face stiff competition. Which  is an energy sucker for me. Hasn't it always been?