February 8th, 2024

 I was not looking forward to the coming weekend. We were to ship both our boys to an international trip for "Week without Walls".  Tintin goes to Uttarakhand while Neo to Sri Lanka. While Tintin is 14 so I am less concerned but Neo to me is still a baby at 9. He hasn't travelled anywhere by himself without his parents. He has been fortunate so far to have 3 parents- the two of us and our help who is just as much a parent to him. Spoils him silly and also scolds him from time to time. In fact the help, Nila, confided to me that she was extremely worried that we agreed to send him to this trip. She was not sure if Neo will be able to take care of himself. In any case, Neo was keen on going. But I must admit I agreed to this trip for him without too much thought. Then it was a case of playing out all kinds of untoward scenarios in my head and picturing how the little fellow might cope. I know there will be teachers and support staff who have done this many times, but when there are multiple kids to mind, it is only natural if one gets neglected- at least by the standards of the parents. 

On the other hand there were many positives to be had if they both pulled this through without many issues.  One huge reason for me agreeing to this, in spite of the drain on our family treasury. is that the boys don't ever get to experience anything in the subcontinent beyond our parents homes. If we travel to India, we only visit parents. This must be so because they are old and not that mobile. Also, they don't get to see their grandchildren much at all. So if we planned a family trip to India but chose to travel elsewhere and not visit them, it would likely make them sad. Any joy experienced at the cost of a dear one's sadness is no joy ( know this intuitively but am sure there is some old Greek bozo who said this before).

The other reason is to train these boys to be a bit independent. Now even I had only stepped out of the comfort of my parents nurturing duvet only when I finally left for college, at age 18. However the conditions now are different. I used to travel on public buses, and had a feel for a lot of social inequality not to mention inequity growing up in India. Each of those experiences had somehow hardened me and I a sure it hardened everyone like me. For example, we used to play cricket against a team in the neighborhood. This team comprised of the kids of servants. The Servants lived in servants quarters and did not mingle with the "officers" that lived in apartments or bungalows. To an outsider, especially a western one that is  typically naturally predisposed to diminish us as a people, this would seem not quite on. We talk about the caste system in a religious context but the issue is far worse. There is a caste system on an economic context. And the two might very well be interlinked. In fact in this team that I speak of, there was only one amongst the playing 11 that was a hindu boy. A boy named Shekhar. The rest were all muslim. We used to joke that playing them was like playing Pakistan. We really gave it our all. But we lost sometimes as they were not bad at all. Growing up in the 80s, in Jamshedpur, it was so common to hear fireworks coming from Muslim quarters when Pakistan won a match that we didn't even bother reacting. It was a given, and totally acceptable. There was no BJP to come down hard on these purported "traitors". It is all a bit silly, really because if only one could manufacture loyalty by force. It has never worked and will never work. If the muslim boys supported Pakistan in cricket, then that's what they did. We just had to create conditions where that might voluntarily change. I know this now, although back then I didn't. But I didn't bother much with it anyway.  

Also, I had already been in fights multiple times before I was 14. Some had been simply bullying others where some one had kicked my genitals and caused massive pain and a bruise. Later we became decent friends, but in a moment of madness this type of bashing has transpired. I realized, amongst other things, that I was not that good at fighting. I wasn't strong enough. You can imagine this is not a salubrious line of thinking for one's self esteem. But you note it, and move on regardless. To the next such experience, of which there was a boatload available in whichever direction you looked. In Jamshedpur. But not as much in Dubai.

The point of this digression is just to demonstrate that while growing up we never had international trips, we didn't need them as much either. We had a lot more exposure- not necessarily to scenic beauty but still to various other facets of nature- particularly human nature. And as well know, this is of utmost value once we are adults, or actually even before. How one relates to others is how one relates to the world at large and unless we decide to be recluses, this is probably the most defining as aspect of our lives bar none.

Both the boys were to leave Friday evening. Tintin had to be at the airport terminal 1 by 5.30 PM while Neo had to be dropped to his school by 6. In his case, the school bus would take them en masse to the airport because they were little .We set up a taxi for tintin to travel to the airport on his own, and we dropped Neo off in school. That was a tough moment for me. It was hard to see him jump into the bus. Once in, he vanished somewhere and I could not even see him from the outside and thus could not wave him goodbye. The only consolation was that there were other parents like us, who were going through somewhat the same experience. It always helps to know others exist in the same world as you, particularly when the world is full of demons.

On return to an empty house, we had a friend come over and played some music and drank some Prosecco. We also ordered some Indian food which turned out delicious. But I was struggling to sleep and awaiting news via WhatsApp on the successful reaching the destination- for both. Neo reached earlier because Tintin had a connection from Delhi to Dehradun which made for a very late arrival. Anyway, we got news of their reaching and that then enabled me to turn in for the night. Now I just hope all goes smoothly and they are back safe and sound on Wednesday- which is Valentine's Day