March 28, 2024

Today, finally I received a really thick envelope from HR. I already know what it was. It consisted of an envelope for each member of my overall organization ( all of 120 full-time people) detailing a merit-increase in their salary. I had to fight for this hard, and while I did not get everything I wanted for the team, I got something. Tomorrow onwards I shall get the chance to inform the team of this by handing them these letters. I don’t know if overall they will be pleased by it but am hoping that they will regard me as someone that has done his best. I have not visited my broader team in Abu Dhabi for almost 9 months- because every time I went there, all they complained about was their salary or the lack of promotion. I had promised myself that I would not visit them until I was able to do something for them. If they feel more positive after these increases, I will make a plan to visit them- maybe even late next week or right after eid break.

I could not imagine the amount of back and forth that had to be done to land this. It was not hard in principle – but to make it actually happen via all the various intermediaries that had to deal with it was exhausting. I almost feel a sense of relief today. Maybe I will have a drink in the evening, or three.

Speaking of that, I have a dinner invitation to Radha’s and Tridib’s tonight. It is a week night so am not sure why it was scheduled for today, but there it is. I will also take my guitar, there will be musicians at this place and hence likely that there will also be music. I have some additional chores that am behind on- particularly getting a haircut. But also I need to get my sons moved from being on my P’s dependent visa to mine. I cannot get all the perks from the company until I do so and I have been leaving money on the table for months. Why? Just laziness. I went through this ordeal of moving my sons away from my visa to my wife’s back in November or December of 2022 prior to leaving for my Manila assignment. It entailed what seems like a hundred trips to the Aamer office at Oasis Mall, lots of paperwork, payments, submission of passports and the like. Just the thought of going through all of that again makes my stomach churn. But this is a personal weakness. Laziness is an adjective that might be used but does not tell the fill story. A better way to describe it would be a lack of an “action bias”. If it is too much work, screw it. Recently a friend and I were planning to meet at my hotel room in Delhi to have a chat and a few drinks. However, neither of us wanted to order drinks at the hotel – because it was a good hotel and the drinks were mighty overpriced. We’d rather buy a bottle from elsewhere and bring it into the room. However, the locale in question did not seem to have liquor shops. Once this became apparent to me, I immediately gave in. “ screw it, let’s just order at the room”. And yet the friend would not give up and tried to move from shop- to shop asking if anyone knew a liquor shop. The friend then started looking at apps on the phone to see if someone could deliver. And this went on for 20 minutes before I was able to bring this effort to an end. Clearly my friend had an action-bias that was quite different from mine. P has an action -bias that is much greater than mine as well. And my Dad has an action bias that is greater than hers. 

I do have some gifts, but an action bias is not one of them. But I am inspired by such people. And I really would like to be a man of action before the day is done. Little by little, I am trying to be like this person. A person I never recognized as myself. The fact is, it is often believed that if you are not action biased, you will not amount to your full potential. The problem is if half your potential is comfortable enough for you, then how and where do you get the motivation for achieving full potential?  Procrastination is simply a lack of hunger, I read somewhere. For me, I have to frame my effort in a context that is very carefully curated. It cannot be that I put more effort into something because there is a monetary benefit to be “potentially” had. That is no good, because it means it is entirely possible that the benefit equally may not accrue. On the other hand, if it brings something else of value- like inherent joy, or satisfaction, or a feel-good feeling, or some kind of fame or popularity- I think I could get my mind around that. I suspect it is the same for everyone. Even the guy giving his all for his nebulous startup is probably excited by the process as much as the outcome. I cannot imagine it to be any other way.

I had three personal goals this year- Health, Writing, Music- I need to maintain good health, and spend more time doing the other two activities- not necessarily with a goal in mind but simply to improve muscle memory on the areas. This is such that health is primal without which any other initiative is meaningless. And the other two are interests that would probably make it to my personal Ikigai- except I don’t know if I am good enough at them to be able to monetise them. Also, I am not sure how exactly to monetise them. But the least I can do while I figure this out, is simply to be at it. Every day, little by little. This is the only way to get good at something. And then, you never know, there may be an opportunity that presents itself. So far, on the health front, I am lagging behind by a fair margin. On the other two I am below par but catching up. I have 3 more quarters to redress the situation. Godspeed to me!