April 4 2024

The Shell shares seem to be doing well. And since I have a tiny sliver of these, so am I on account of that. I still reflect on how I feel about Shell. It seems to me that on account of the numerous possibilities on offer for the flexible employee, it is one of the best employers there is. A truly international organization where theoretically one can move anywhere. And the tougher the destinations, the more the financial upside. I benefited from these opportunities as well- although I have to say it is not an easy way to make money. It comes at a tremendous cost and am not even sure if it is worth it overall. However, it can be done for a short time to boost income briefly. Sometimes, as you go through life, you need that sudden cash injection for an impending project, like buying a home for example- or paying your kid’s college bills. I also enjoyed the work environment, the lovely urban offices in Singapore, the flying around the world in business class, the various engagements with suppliers who were happy to court you because you were responsible for doling out massive contracts. All in all, Supply Chain in Big Oil did not seem too shabby for the first 10 years. Thereafter, it got complicated. Further upside, in terms of promotions, became impossible to come by. And various aspects of malevolence began surfacing from all kinds of quarters. Peers wanted to sidestep you, and the really evil ones even tried to promote narratives about you that were less than flattering within their circles. Then you had to deal with HR chaps that viewed you with raw envy. An Indian passport holder but being paid Singapore wages on expatriate terms- how dare I? So they made it as difficult as possible for you to have a good time. Staff cuts were appropriated, extensions denied, even non-discretionary benefits were actively revised downwards to make us feel less than we did. Aside of these general headwinds, from around 2018 the job hunting process within the organization also became difficult. As an expat, I was out of sight in Singapore. And I found out I was also out of mind. Not that I ever thought this would matter. I did not know anyone in the Singapore office well enough who could impact my career. As a matter of HR policy I would find a job in Singapore, but at the same grade. I was looking for a promotion. And there was more than one role posted where anyone could see that I would have been the best candidate by a mile. Yet I was not even given a look-in. Not one by twice. I don’t know why and I never wanted to ask. All it would achieve is make the person I ask uncomfortable. My would-be line manager for the role should I have been successful was a Scotsman based in London.  I did muster up some courage to seek feedback. He told me that the position was offered to a high-potential Singaporean candidate ( female obviously- and someone who was completely unqualified for the job). This lady, as it happens, was moved into yet another role all of 8 months from  when she started into the new role. It was the most bizarre turn of events- and it told me that no one really took this function remotely seriously. But here is the kicker- I would have thought someone might now consider me after all – given the position came open again and that I still stood out as the best candidate, this time by 2 miles. No one even mentioned me. And suddenly it was offered to yet another Singaporean lady ( who, by the way, was not even high potential, but atleast had some experience that was relevant). Right about this time, I formally decided to quiet quit. So many realisations hit me all at once. Most of all, I felt incredibly lonely for the first time. Mind you, from a temperament standpoint I did not require company all that much. However, after 15 years in an organization I felt as if I barely existed. It did not help that others that I considered lesser than  me were getting the opportunities. When this type of happens, it crushes your soul. You can be as stoic as you wish- but a rejection is a rejection. Right about this time, I had received an opportunity to join a local UAE company that would, at the very best, keep me in Dubai. This is why there is something to be said about destiny. They found me in a weak moment. I was exhausted and completely drained of any type of goodwill towards Shell. I could have not quit- and waited out to be made redundant- which as it now turns out, could well have happened in a year ( the Singapore assets are being sold). This would be the sensible thing to do. I’d have gotten a massive payout- really massive. I let it all go. I just couldn’t be bothered to fade away and sulk in a corner of this behemoth, waiting to get a pay out. It just wasn’t me. Had I not gotten this alternative job opportunity, I may well have ended up doing exactly that. But some supreme being was throwing me a chance to leave with some pride. I took it whole-heartedly. It made for some tricky conversations all around, but no one really cared. I had no one in Shell by this time that gave a rat’s ass about me. The fact is- if there is not a quid-pro-quo, no one really does. The fact that I did not take a package when I left, theoretically means that I could return to Shell if they would have me back for a role. But I had no intention of this and I had no hope that they would have me back either. They are not looking for experienced people for roles. They find a role- they fill it with random people internally – to fulfil one of several agendas. This was not going to change within the remainder of my career runway- not at a place as monstrous as Shell.

Initially. I had thought – well, if things did not work out in my new company, I could still reach out back to Shell – alas I still had bills to pay. Now- I am almost a year in- and things are still a bit dicey organizationally so it is entirely possible that things may go pear-shaped here. But if that happens, I just don’t see myself reaching back out to Shell. The direction vector shall point forwards only.