Oct 14, 2024

This is to record Monday Morning blues of a kind that has become a theme for me, and dare I say for P, ever since we became members of this association called BCD- or Bong Connection Dubai. Having lived as a Bengali expatriate for almost 3 decades, in locations as diverse as Boston, Chicago, Indianapolis, Detroit and Singapore, I have to say I had been skeptical of any Bengali expatriate forum. While it is fun to visit for the Durga Puja festivities- which is a near non-negotiable part for every Bengali, visting as a guest and remainng on the absolute fringes of the community is for the most part, good enough. It is only in Singapore that I decided to become a formal member, and mainly so because I wanted to perform with our Bangla Band Jhalmuri, which was a decent outfit that seemed to bring more people joy than sorrow. The Puja and associated other events might be potential opportunities for us to get stage time – or so I surmised. The reality did not quite pan out that way and without going into the details, I can honestly say that the Bengali Association of Singapore did not really meet my expectations on a number of counts. Eventually, I took a back seat and only limited my participation to an absolute and essential minimum. For one thing, the membership was too high- north of 300 and then more than that number showed up as guests. It was in that sense not a private Puja. This is not bad per se- the only issue is that it makes the experience not as good because of overcrowding. The second point is that there is no sense of community. I never felt that the people and community were members of my extended family. A part of that is my fault- I did not relate to many people. But this only a small part. I tend not to relate with most people- but that does not mean I don’t have warm, fuzzy and cordial relationships with them. The fact is, new members are not introduced or engaged in any genuine way. It was a situation where the working committee tended to favour its close friends over the larger body of members when it came to options for participating in cultural programs and similar activities. When I was in Singapore, there were one or two members of the working committee that I found really heavy-handed at times. They would strut around like bosses and take the stage frequently to make loud pronouncements to keep something or other in check- this is of course necessary but it isn’t always necessary to take a nasty tone of voice. Later I realised why this was so. It was because the working committee also seemed to be made up of people that were financially very well-off- either champions in high-finance or Regional CEOs of MNCs and so on. As a result, often they would contribute to a days meal for all members, or make other monetary donations one way or another- which meant they had the right to call the shots. This type of two-tiering of the community, which while understandable, does not help create a sense of belonging. Singapore being a regional hub for the ever-growing region od Asia, unlike Dubai, tends to have a lot more people who are talented career-wise and are part of the corporate upper-crust. The downside of this is that people who are not part of this high-flying set tend to feel like they are nobody.

All of the above meant that when I moved to Dubai I steered clear of taking membership of BCD. In fact, since even visting as a guest was somewhat expensive, I did not even attend as a guest between the years of 2015 and 2021. A number of factors changed after Covid, including some close bengali friends who moved out to the USA- and also some other who became somewhat estranged for one reason or another. In addition, I moved out to Manila for a year. After due consideration, we bit the bullet and became members. And what a joy it has been ever since!

BCD has all the advantages and absolutely none of the pitfalls of BAS. It is dynamic, egalitarian, eminently friendly because it does not take itself that seriously, and organisationally impeccable. This is my third year of enjoying the festivities and I can honestly say that they put on a show like no other. Food, drinks, cultural programs, quizzes, fashion-shows, pro perfromers, decorations- no matter what lever you look at they never fail to please. It is testament to the current working committee, and I do hope that any other committee would perform equally well. This not to say that it is perfect. Infact a few years ago, there was a fallout between some members who jettisoned themselves away from BCD to form a break away group called Utsav. Even within BCD there are the usual sub-groups with competitive tensions across them. But to me it seems like these are somewhat to be expected and also are fundamentally trivial and in spite of these the folks all engage together at a high level during the festivities- and that is how it should be because surely everyone can’t be friends. I did not find any stratification or sub-grouping based on socio-economic status- and this is a massive departure from Singapore- for the immensely better. I also understand there is little to no sponsorhips either sought or accepted. It is 99% self-funded which means that it is its own daddy. That is also a signficant departure from Singapore and makes for a “homely” and “independent” experience. Somehow an x-factor also lies in the fact that the members don’t take themselves too seriously. Irrespective of social standing, everyone is able to let their hair down and act silly when the opportunity presents itself. This makes for an informal atmosphere devoid of the stuffiness that typically stems from people conducting themselves with executive presence all the time, just to prove that they are somebody important.

All of these aspects, taken together, have made the BCD community achieve something that is incredibly elusive in an expatriate Durga Puja celebration. The Danish sense of Hygge…no less.